“Do you ever wonder if you made the right choice?” Sarah asked.  Her grey eyes were downcast, intent on another scoop out of the ice cream carton.  Her dark curls fell in her face and tumbled down her back.  Her hand trembled slightly, though I couldn’t tell if it was from the question or the hard ice cream.

“What do you mean?” I asked, evading the question.  I looked passed her to the wedding photos on the wall.  She looked beautiful, as I always knew she would, dressed in her gown with her hair pinned up and veil failing to cover the bright smile she wore.  A smile that, once upon a time, was a shadow of the one she would give to me.

“Nothing.  Forget it.”  She gave a soft smirk and scooped another bite.

I shifted closer on the couch, close enough that my leg touched hers.  I hesitated, then reached my hand around her shoulders and pulled her in close to my side.  Her tiny frame started to shake and the ice cream container slipped from her fingers.  I caught it, moved it to the other side me, and wrapped my other arm around her.

“Hey.  Hey, sugar, it’s ok.  Let it out.  Cry if you need to.  I’m here.”  Even as I said them, I knew the words were inadequate.  I felt ashamed.  I had seen the signs, had voiced quiet concerns, yet never had I pressed the issue and now I was kicking myself for not.  “Is it…is it worse?”

Sarah sniffed again, hiding her face in my side, arms flung around my waist, grabbing at my shirt.  I felt her nod, the slight movement almost unrecognizable from her quiet shudders.  “I just…I’m not myself anymore.  I can’t be what he…I’m not…I just wonder…,” she took a deep breath, “I wonder if we would have been so bad.  What could have been.  Should it have been?”

I had no answer, so I pulled her close, my eyes falling upon my own wedding ring.

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

The snowflake lazily floating down, the clouds grey and swollen. Storefronts hasten to decorate, putting up mini pine trees with tiny colored lights.  The tinsel hanging from every available surface and then some.

The lights, the glitter, the music wafting out of everywhere, homes and businesses alike.  The toys, the cries of children as they make their lists and check them twice.  People calling hellos as they shovel their walks, thick jackets and thoughts of fresh coffee to keep them warm.

The lights, inside and out, spiraling up towards the tip-top of the tallest and smallest trees, blinking secret codes or steadily glowing in the night.  Candles and fireplaces blaze, lighting the way home and sheltering from the cold.  Headlights bursting from the darkness, guiding the way like an albino Rudolph.  The warmth and cheer of people around a table, laughing, smiling.

It’s the happiest season of all.

So why is it I’m so sad?

She ran her finger slowly over the dark stubble on his face, tracing
the jagged white scar down to his chin.  He kept his eyes shut,
enjoying the feel of her soft fingertips on his face.  He sighed,
content as he hadn’t been in a long time.

Placing her hand on his muscled chest, she leaned in close, barely
touching his lips with hers.  His heartbeat quickened under her palm
as his body responded to her nearness.  Timidly, she kissed him, eyes
still studying his face under dark lashes.  When he returned her kiss,
she closed her eyes, relishing the feel of him.  Pulling back, his
head following to maintain their kiss, she saw his eyes open.
Beautiful silver-grey eyes stared back at her, traces of puzzlement
visible but quickly vanished, replaced with warmth that threatened to
still her heart.

He reached up to her and hesitated, unsure even then if his touch
would be welcomed.  When she didn’t back away, he placed his rough
fingers on the smooth, pale skin of her face, lightly cupping her
cheek.  She closed her eyes, her hand reaching up to touch the one on
her face.

Her other hand went behind her back, fumbling awkwardly, then
reappeared holding a knife.