I see dead people.
No? Oh, already been done? Damn. Well, wouldn’t want to do something someone has already done. I don’t plan on redoing Shakespeare. Oh wait! That’s a great idea! I’ll just redo…no, stop it. Think about your idea.
How’s about I talk to fictitious characters, and they talk back? How do you like me now? Are you suitably impressed with my coolness factor? You should be.
No, I’m not crazy!
Wait, you don’t believe me? But it’s true! Why, just today I talked to one Wizard, Mr. D. He’s in the phone book — go ahead and check, I’ll wait. Oh, not in your phone book. Well, I assure you, he’s real. He talked to me, not once but three times this week. I hear all about how he’s terrible with electronics, how he wanted me off his lawn, and recommended that I drink ale. He said he would teach me to shoot tiny fireballs up the noses of people who make me upset. I can’t wait for that. I have a guy at the bar I’m dying to try that on…
Anyway, this Mr. D. sure does keep me entertained. He runs all over the city trying to stop demons, vampires (the un-sparkly kind) and spirits from breaking through to our realm. Very noble, Mr. D., very noble. And the way you help any women in need is admirable, if not outdated.
Now I just must get you to make me your apprentice.
You see, Mr. D., I too have demons to face every day. I need to arm myself with more than just my pretty smile and sarcastic wit. I need to bring the pain, so to speak. That’s where you come in, you see, since you’re the most powerful Wizard around, and the only one listed in the phone book. There are things you can teach me and I’m a huge fan of learning everything I can. It’s why I read so much.
But I digress. I wanted to talk about how awesome my writing here is, and that everyone should follow me because I know some cool people that are worth knowing me for. So, Mr. D., it is imperative that I learn how to be cool like you, so that I might have great adventures worth writing and reading about someday.
When you are ready, I know you can find me. Until then, Mr. D., until then.