Guest Interview: Tiny

Today I’m happy to announce our guest is from two of the books I’ve edited in the past year, The Reluctant and The Willing, by C.S. Splitter. Though he was unable to make it himself – I hear he’s busy with a blog tour – Splitter has been kind enough to send Tiny in his place. While these books follow Tom Crayder around, Tiny has been making a name for himself in them as well. He comes up with interesting ways to help Tom in some sticky situations and is always good for a laugh.

I hear he has a cult following online, too.

So, with that, here’s Tiny!

TK: Welcome Mr. Johnson, or should I call you Tiny or Hoss? Tell us a little about yourself.

Tiny: Hi Tricia!  Splitter said I should come talk to you.  Sorry I’m late but I was starving so I stopped off at the doughnut shop.  I got crullers!  Want one?  No?  OK, more for me.

Just call me “Tiny.”  Everyone does.  Well, Jake and Tom call me “Hoss” but that’s really some fat guy on an old T.V. Western show with that guy from Little House on the Prairie and Commander Adama.

TK: What do you do for a living?

Tiny: I like computers, but I work on just about anything with a circuit board.  I’m what you might call an “independent contractor.”  People need stuff done with electronics and I make it happen.  Most people don’t understand what I do, but it’s pretty much second nature for me.  Jake calls me a savant.  I don’t know what that means, but I am thinking it has something to do with being a modern day superhero.

TK: I hope you don’t wear tights. Speaking of Jake, how did you end up working with Jake?

Tiny: How did you know about that?  I, ummm, I’m not sure how much I can say here.  My uncle belonged to a club that Jake runs and when I got into some…trouble…with another member, Jake took me in.  He’s a really cool guy and his old lady, Donna, is da bomb!  She’s like a really hot mom to me—that doesn’t sound right, does it?

TK: No, not quite…. Anyway, have you known Tom for a while?

Tiny: Crash?  He’s my f’ing hero!  He saved my life once and he was really cool about it.  I don’t even think he was scared at all.  I was scared, but only a little.  We ended up landing in a cow pasture and, well, after that I ran because some people think I did things that I really didn’t.  It’s complicated.

Just a few months ago, I helped Tom and this DEA agent track down some really bad dudes, but don’t say anything to Jake.  He wouldn’t mind me helping Tom, but none of us are really down with the whole DEA thing.  Jake calls them “business obstacles” but this one was cool.  Good looking too!  She was a little touchy about some stuff, but I wouldn’t mind giving her the third degree if you know what I mean…

TK: I think I get your drift. Speaking of interesting, you have an interesting sign by your house: “Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot twice.” Is it safe to assume you’re proficient with guns then?

Tiny: That’s just for show.  I don’t mess with guns anymore since—well, I don’t mess with guns anymore.  Jake says I have a problem keeping my “booger hook off the bang switch.”  Everyone says that guns don’t kill people but, I swear, sometimes they just go off.

I put the sign up because I don’t like surprises and unexpected visitors are the worst kind of surprise.  Even if they are friends, I like to at least have some time to clean the house properly.  I can’t stand a dirty house.

What does O.C.D. mean, anyway?

TK: I’ll take your word for it that you are, though I like a clean house also. Wait, doesn’t Jake own a bike club? You’re a rather hefty guy – do you ride a bike?

Tiny: Momma always said I was “husky.”  I am working on the weight thing, though.  I do yoga and Pilates and I’ve cut back on the sweets.  I’m down twelve pounds as of this morning and it’s only been six months.  Pretty soon, I won’t have to do addition to know my weight, but right now I am one spin plus 130 pounds.

You sure you don’t want a cruller?  They are delicious!  Eclair?

Anyway, my bike broke last month and I decided to get rid of it.  A spring popped and cut my left cheek.   Don’t bother looking for the scar, it’s not on my face.

Jake said I was dangerous on a bike anyway so he got me a three wheeled motorbike and it rocks!  It’s got a trunk and everything so now I installed a cooler.  I can have a cold Red Bull anytime I like!

TK: That’s, uh, great! Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Tiny: Aw, I try to not think about stuff like that.  I’m a live-in-the-moment kind of guy.  My yogi gave me these books on Eastern philosophy and I am really digging them.  Jake wants me to read this Sun Sue lady so I can take on more responsibility with the motorcycle club, but I haven’t gotten to her book yet.

It’s all about military tactics anyway.  I don’t see what that has to do with club business.

TK: Is there a women that’s caught your eye?

I met this really cool chick online.  She’s from Nevada and she likes to cyber.  Cute too.  I want to go see her, but flying is hard for me for obvious reasons.  I think making me buy two seats is discrimination.  Maybe Tom can fly me out there one day…how far can his plane go?

I am hoping she comes to see me soon.  We have to get together somehow.  I offered to give her a place to stay if she came out here, but she keeps finding excuses not to come.

Women…

TK:What’s your favorite:

Band?

AC/DC!  I like old rock, just check out my shirt.  See?

I also like hip hop because I love to dance and that really gets me going.

Car?

I just bought a 1968 Pontiac GTO!  It’s almost done.  The whole dash is going to be touch screen displays!

Tom just shakes his head when I talk about my car.  Something about tradition and American Muscle.  He hasn’t seen it finished though.  And he is not borrowing this one…

Food?

Yes, please.

Oh!  You mean my favorite food to eat?  I’m not picky.  In the finer establishments, I like to check out their hot Italian cold cuts.  Tom introduced me to those.  At home, I eat a lot of Hotpockets.

Actually, I switched from Hotpockets to Lean Pockets.  They’re OK, but you have to eat twice as many to get full so it’s a little expensive.

Computer Program?

Skype.  Definitely Skype.  You can use cameras on there, you know.

Video Game?

I rock at Call of Honor.  I love playing commander and calling in artillery strikes on mouthy twelve year olds who think they own the server.  It’s educational too and has come in handy in the past.

TV Show?

Nowadays, I would have to say Biggest Loser.  I have sent them a tape and hope to get on there some day.  I hope they call me before the yoga and Pilates kick in because I would be playing for keeps and the skinnier I get, the harder it will be to win.

I like a lot of old shows too.  Tom made up a whole list for me that he thought I would like starting with Bonanza, MASH, and Three’s Company (Janet was hot!).  The good news is that I don’t have to wait for them to come on T.V..  They are available on the ‘net for people like me who know where to look.

TK: Thanks for stopping by today Tiny! It was good to get to know you a little better. Hope to see you around soon!

Tiny: Cool.  No problem.  If you see Splitter before I do, remind him that he owes me dinner from that Super Bowl bet.

Are you gonna finish that eclair?

Thanks again to Tiny for stopping over! Now for a little about Splitter’s books:

Tom’s problems are not unique. His business is failing and his wife has to work too many hours to make ends meet. He is under some rather large financial pressures and wants more from his marriage and his life.

He finds his respite in the air as a private pilot. Unfortunately for Tom, he is behind on payments for his plane and is forced to take odd jobs from a local crime boss. Tom is no criminal, but the errands he is running are just slightly on the wrong side of the law and the money is almost good enough to allow him to make his plane payments.

Just as things begin to come under some semblance of control, he meets a woman who just might represent the adventure he seeks. He soon discovers that appearances, and beautiful women, can sometimes be deceiving.

Action, adventure, suspense, and thriller in one story told with a liberal dose of humor.

True friends help you hide the bodies.

How far would you go to protect your friends and family?

Tom Crayder is the All-American guy next door with a business, a wife, a son, a mortgage, and an expensive hobby. He is also a politically incorrect, wisecracking, operative working for a shadowy organization dedicated to administering justice outside of a broken system. Not even his wife knows of his other life when she finds herself unwittingly involved in a drug war.

Strap in with Tom as he navigates his way through the strata of a drug cartel. Lock and load with Lorena, a hard hearted assassin, as she lends her deadly skills to Tom’s fight for his family.

Sit back to watch Tom and Lorena figure out how to work together without killing each other. Join the rest of the cast from “The Reluctant (Crayder Chronicles)” as they pitch in to track down the hitmen that threaten their associate.

Some mysteries are solved. Some questions are answered. Some live. Some die.

The Reluctant and The Willing just came out in print form, in addition to the ebook formats available and can be found at Amazon.

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8 thoughts on “Guest Interview: Tiny

  1. If Tiny’s women gives him the slip if he ever gets out here, I’ll take him to a strip club or a massage parlor.
    Then to Hash House a Go-Go where they serve the largest portions of any restaurant I have ever been.
    Wouldn’t want the guy to get any pent up frustration!

  2. Hey, big boy, if Tom ever flies you out to L.A., come over to see me. Splitter knows I still rock! I don’t cook much anymore but I still know how to make a KILLER pot roast & I’ll make a whole one just for you. I’d love to go for a ride on your new bike! I may be 77, but you know what they say about fine wine & cheese–I think I’m aged to perfection!!

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